The light marshmallow like balls of fluff that we call clouds are scattered across the underdeveloped land of Nicaragua overcasting mother earths beautiful landscape.  

You can easily see the beauty of mother earth in such an untouched place.

Just below this overcast you can see distinctly the landscape where farmers had squared out their crop, the rivers cutting jaggedly into the land running wherever the water naturally flowed to and the buildings…the few buildings that had been built to sustain whatever needed to be sustained and nothing more.

As I sit here in my window seat reaching nearly 36,000 feet onboard this B737 aircraft, I can’t help but wonder what lies ahead of me on my way back into reality.  This past month has changed me…it’s more than changed me.

The way I look at things, the ways I feel things, the way I taste things, the way I see things…it’s all different.  

I knew boarding the aircraft that this change was going to take into effect but hadn’t realized how much of an effect it had on me until I sat down and ate the artificial chicken sandwich in between the cardboard like piece of bread along with the tasteless vegetables and bland desert they gave me.

One of the most delicious meals of my life!  Whole fish, grilled veggies, rice and beans with a salad…so fresh!

I feel somewhat…depressed now…but depressed just isn’t quite the word for it.  

“I feel…awoken.  That’s right…awoken.”

Will these feelings continue to have an effect on me throughout the next few months back home in the United States?  Who knows.

When it comes down to it I feel that I had somehow found myself in Costa Rica.  These past 5 years I had started traveling because I was searching for something.  

I didn’t know what at the time…I didn’t even know at the beginning of this trip but it’s funny because I know exactly where and how this happened.  

It’s hard to explain exactly what I found…but I must have found it because I’m no longer searching for something…I just…am.  I feel more me than ever before.  And this strongly refers to an article I wrote a few weeks back on the day that it happened on that beautiful night in Puerto Viejo.

I found Paz (Peace) in Puerto Viejo!

I feel so content and ready to truly move on with my life.  I’m ready to explore the world in new ways, to open my boundaries and be me.  Am I stating that I’m not looking forward to returning back home to the states, to become pampered with all of the modern day technologies that most US citizens get pampered with?  No…I’m not saying that at all.  

I’m really looking forward to bathing in a warm shower.  I’m looking forward to seeing my family and friends.  I’m looking forward the ease of access to everything that I would have to spend days hunting for in other countries…but then again…I’m not ready to leave either.

The mumbo jumbo of travel, the chaos of living on the road, the not knowing who you’re going to meet, where you’re going to sleep that night or if you’re going to sleep that night.

I love the experience that comes with the lifestyle that I’ve chosen…exploring the unknown is who I am and it’s exactly who I want to be.  Having no bills, no commitments, having that capability of disappearing and no one being able to tell exactly where I am.

And it’s not that “travel bug” that most people refer to.  

It’s much deeper than that.

This feeling…it’s wonderful.  It really is.  Now I’m just wondering how are things going to feel when I get back home?  Will I feel at home or will it be the contrary?  Will “home” really feel like a far way land with me not actually feeling at home?  

Who knows…when it comes down to it only time will tell.  All I know is that coming to Costa Rica for this past months and visiting Panama for those few short but blessed days had really taken a tole on me.

I’m not ready for society yet…and maybe I’m just rambling on…after all I do tend to do this a lot.  Maybe I’m just afraid of what the jail like cells of society may do to me.  I like my freedom…I just never realized how little of it I actually have back home.

This is just me…breaking free and being me the way I was meant to be!

There are just too many restrictions…too many laws…to many regulations.  Coming hand-in-hand with these rules & regulations come the artificialness of America…everything is just so…unauthentic…everything…

The tasteless food, the fake personalities, the “American Dream”…seriously?  There is no “American Dream”.  Come on and open your eyes people.  Be who you are meant to be, not what society wants you to be.

I don’t know what else to say.  These are the thoughts of my mind and it feels good getting them out there without caring about “reputation” or caring about what others may think of me.  

Just like my friend Omar said as he guided us through the rainforest:

“If you have someting on ur mine den speak it cuz it’ll tear ur heart up an cause u much pain an thats jus not da Caribbean way. Estebe?”

Thanks Omar for these words of truth.  Pura Vida my friends and long live the life you were meant to have: lacking disappointment & filled with happiness!

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Do you have these same thoughts when leaving a country other than your home?  What goes through your mind? 

Let me know by leaving comments below…I’m curious.  Remember to share this article with your friends on Facebook & Twitter!